So I am sitting outside in front of a fountain, contemplating how quickly circumstances change in life. Just when you get used to what you consider “normal” that rug is swept from under your feet. You are instantly reminded that the only thing constant in life is change. Some change is for the better. It helps us evolve as human beings. It’s just insane at times because we work so hard to get to “that place” and ultimately realize that life has several checkpoints and not necessarily one destination. I find solace in knowing that whatever lesson is meant to be learned can be open to interpretation. The goal is to become more open-minded, and accept the fact that perfection is not tangible. Trying to achieve it can be a roller coaster. But the sooner you give yourself a bit of grace, the better.
April 25, 2021
Sitting in the park, wondering how long this wooden bench has been here. I feel like it’s been here since the 1800s. The lamp posts also look ancient. I can imagine a young girl escaping to meet her secret lover in this park at dusk. Perhaps mimes or painters once filled this space in an effort to entertain the masses. I’m thinking about how effort, hard work, and dedication guarantee nothing, even if done correctly. But what you do have to be grateful for, regardless of the circumstances, is the opportunity to try and sometimes get what you want. Because we never get everything we want in life.
I think as long as you have a destination, there is always a reason to keep going. And at the end of the day, we all have a God-given purpose to fulfill, as long as He wills it.
There is a mixture of aromas ranging from someone’s pasta lunch to the cool spring breeze enriched with the scent of tree bark. The sun is piercing through the canopy of leaves above me. In my mind, I am creating stories for the passers by.
I would get up and start walking again, but then I’m reminded of how hard it was for me to get this bench.
I’m listening to a pre-curated Spotify playlist that fits my mood at the moment.
This past Sunday, I took some much-needed alone time to go on a boat tour of the Miami islands. It was my second time; the first was back in 2017. I love being on the water with just my thoughts, the breeze, and of course the tour guide’s voice occasionally interrupting my train of thought.
I looked out at the mansions and the residents on their jet skis, the abyss extending out for miles, and took note of how carefree they were. Meanwhile I had a million things on my mind! Wondering where I’d be living for the next few years, thinking about my petty anger towards people who had wronged me but wouldn’t give a care in the world if I told them so. And how much I’d love to just RELAX without a care in the world like the people I was observing. That is my ultimate goal. To literally relax without a care in the world. Not worrying about getting up at 4:30 am to get somewhere on time, or so much about the consequences to my actions, just being free.
Of course there has to be a balance, but it’s nice to think about being on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. And then I remembered something my reverend father said in church at the beginning of Lent. You can sacrifice everything tangible, but if your heart is not pure and light, and free of grudges, it will all be in vain. And I really had to check myself and ask if this was the case. What was I holding onto, out here in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean? And why?
I have gotten better at resetting, and telling myself to let go every now and then. It is not a constant flow of release, but the flow is there nonetheless. It just feels better not holding on to preconceived notions or expectations so tightly, and going with the flow. Just like the waves of the ocean.
What are you holding onto from your past? What elements of your future are you preoccupied with? Whatever it is, just know that you can find a space in this world to release that energy in a constructive way. Volunteer at a center for those in need. Donate items you no longer use that could help the next person. Patronize your friends with small businesses. Or simply take a day to bask in it all. Recognizing these anchors and being honest with yourself is the first step in living a more relaxed and fulfilled life. Sending peace and love out there to all who need it! And don’t forget to love yourself, too.